The last drop of my being
When Silence speaks louder than words
I don’t know why but I feel empty inside: my mind, my soul, my body, all of me. It’s as if I’ve been drained out of my being. A week or more passed since I haven’t written anything and somehow my words seem to escape the need I feel to write down my thoughts.
Strange things happened and I don’t know how to explain them to myself. It just feels weird to even write them down or say them out loud.
These nights have been a complete mystery to me: I found myself laying on the floor, with terrible headaches and confused. I don’t remember going to bed or changing clothes and the most important thing of all, I somehow felt tired, as if I haven’t slept in days. I always thought my lack of sleep is something my body can handle, but apparently the glass was full.
“I am empty of everything. I am empty of everything but the thin, frail ghosts in my room.” (Jean Rhys)
“Silence isn’t empty. It’s full of answers!”
A hesitant yawn escaped and her eyes involuntarily closed. Tonight there was no moon, just distant clouds and shadows, chased by the candles’ light. The opened window invited inside the room a gasp of fresh, but cool air. Chills ran down her spine as she saw the pages of the journal move back and forth, while one of the candles blown out by the wind fell near by.
Mixed sensations gambled within her mind and her body: the chilly wind combined with the burning candle wax that found shelter on her hand were the ingredients that gave birth to wandering thoughts…
Her heart skipped a beat as she saw those unknown words written in a changed, but still familiar handwriting: her own! Fear was there!
“You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.” (Johnny Depp)