I’m lost… Am I lost?
I feel like I am! I lost him and somehow I feel I lost a part of myself too. Is there a proper way to mourn someone you once loved and that you still love?! A special person with whom you had a deep connection?! I sometimes feel like crying my eyes out and yet there are other times in which I feel like dancing until my body drops on the floor without any breath…
Is there a way to do this right? There is silence around me but I still cannot find any peace. There is understanding in my soul for what happened but I still feel a void of darkness underneath my feet that absorbs every drop of my energy within my body… And I can hear them calling me: the pain, the guilt, the anger, the fault… Messing with my head and my heart, shattering the broken pieces that I’m hardly keeping together, as I know there was nothing I could have done better.
Saying “goodbye” is always difficult, no matter what the circumstances are. We say it too often, without substance, forgetting the fact that we don’t own our tomorrows, even though we frequently take them for granted. The truth is we shouldn’t! We don’t own Time, we are just actors in an improvised play with an unexpected ending. Tomorrow is never a fact, just an uncertainty!
Someone very special to my heart gave me a quote that has been in my mind since that day:
“What is the biggest lesson that life thought you? / Growing up is learning to say goodbye. Goodbye to things, to people, to situations. Growing up is the moment you learn to say goodbye in a better way.”
I guess I am still growing up, hence all my inner chaos and mixed feelings. It hurts that I’ve lost him, yet I have found him in so many different ways. I look at myself in the mirror and I recognize his eyebrows, his forehead, his hands in mine… Most of all I’ve found him in every song I listen to, for the love of music is something that he always nurtured in my heart.
The special connection I had with him will never fade away and there will always be love and gratitude for all the moments spent together.
“Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we’ve stopped loving them or we’ve stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.”
“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”
Dianne’s hands were lost on the paper of her journal and so were her eyes. The void she felt inside her was as real as the cinnamon scent invading her lungs. Candles were burning. She slowly closed her eyes, filling her body with understanding and exhaling the pain of not being able to change the motive of her sadness. She wasn’t the only one going through something like this and she knew it. She even knew that there are people who aren’t as fortunate as she was… to be able to spend so much time with their loved ones.
She knew it all! All the reasons for why she should be grateful instead of sad.
The overwhelm began to fade away, trading some space for acceptance and hope… She never poured her grief to anyone but to her journal. Not in this way. Her fingers found their path on the written date: 19th July 2018, two months since he left and look how fast the time has passed … nearly one year and she still had her teary eyes when she remembered his voice.
The memories though… tiny pieces of their history together were like rare pearls now.
They always were, but tonight something special painted them in different colors.
ce frumos scrii! mi-as dori sa pot asterne cuvintele pe foaie asa cum o faci tu, delicat!
Multumesc mult pentru cuvintele frumoase! Iti trimit un buchet de ganduri bune si imbratisari! 🙂
So beautifully written!! Saying goodbye to someone you love is probably the toughest thing you can do but life goes on and one day it feels good again. Jus thang in there!
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is hard indeed, but the sun will shine again. Wish you the best!
This was such a great read, saying goodbye is never easy but you will get through this! You are a beautiful writer.
Thank you so much for your words. Lots of love back to you
This is beautiful. And gone, but never forgotten. Memories. xox
You are such a great writer! I can tell you are very strong and will get through this.
Extraordinar! Mi-a plăcut atât de mult sa parcurg aceste rânduri ?. Inspiratie
mult succes la scris, foarte frumos, memoriile trebuiesc asternute pe hartie!
Ce cuvinte frumoase, alese cu grija si cu insemnatate deosebita!!
Foarte frumoase cuvintele tale, transmit o emoție aparte, mi-a plăcut mult ceea ce am citit!
I can imagine how you feel. I lost my way friend to cancer and the void is still there. I wish I can write a beautiful piece like this.
You’re a great writer! I have suffered a great loss in my life as well. Writing things down always seems to help.
great words, i like the way you express your feeling and turn them into some masterpiece of your own.
saying goodbye is probably the hardest thing ever. yet we never fully say goodbye to anyone. these people are all in our hearts and memories, forever.
Saying goodbye is definitely NEVER easy but I truly believe everything happens for a reason so that goodbye probably means something even if you don’t really know right away what it does mean.
Very deep and personal topic. Thank you for being open and sharing this with the world. 😉 …and you are not lost….have faith in the journey
Foarte frumos. Chiar esti o scriitoare buna.
Frumos scris! Delicat, profund, minunat! Felicitari
Felicitări pentru articol!
Ai reușit să transmiți starea ta plină de emoții, frumusețe, delicat.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree to say goodbye is never easy and probably the most difficult thing anyone will have to do. I love the quote you shared, Growing up is learning to say goodbye. Goodbye to things, to people, to situations. Growing up is the moment you learn to say goodbye in a better way.”
Very deep and beautiful piece. The subject of saying goodbye to a love one is not easy.
Deep thoughts.. Nonetheless, yes, continue to still grow in every way you can because through that, you will never be lost.
This is so beautiful. Saying goodbye might be one of the hardest things in our life. But that doesn’t mean that it’s the end.
Saying goodbye was never an easy thing. But if a one’s door closed there will another one will open for you.
This is something that happens to everyone. Its part of the journey. I think you learn new things with experience and come out strong and better every time but its never easy.
So sorry about your loss.. I can’t imagine how U feel. Try to focus on the positive things, good memories together and the Time you had together… ?
foarte frumos scrii, chiar mi-a placut articolul.
Ai scris foarte frumos si profund. E pacat sa nu iti asterni gandurile pe ”hartie”
Cel mai greu lucru este să spui adio.
Mi-a facut placere sa citesc aceste randuri si sa descopar o gandire foarte profunda
It is always hard to say goodbye, but you are strong. 🙂
Se spune ca daca iubesti cu adevarat o persoana, o vei lasa sa plece. Doar timpul vindeca suferintele si inchide ranile. Dar pana la urma esti pierduta atunci cand te departezi de tine, de propria persoana. Multa putere! 🙂
Ai un stil foarte frumos de a scrie si se vede ca traiesti fiecare intamplare din viata ta intr-un mod intens. ?
It’s never easy to say goodbye to a loved one, but it’s equally important to go through the emotions that it brings up, give them time and then move on…not forget, but also not stay stuck in those emotions. Give it time and then gradually come out of it by reminding yourself of the good things still present in your life. You owe it to yourself. Hope this helps.
– Nandita
Saying goodbye is so hard sometimes, especially if it’s someone special. Sending all the support your way!
Ce frumos scrii! Am impresia ca citesc un pasaj dintr-un bestseller de exceptie! ?